


that's the worst thing I could do

by OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, M/M, No Character Death, slightly unhappy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway/pseuds/OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway
Summary: Poe's just got one thing he has to tell Finn
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	that's the worst thing I could do

Poe’s heart was racing. Everything he had been fighting for, since his time with the New Republic and into the Resistance was reaching its end. This was it, the final moment. 

The energy on base had gone from restless to frantic in a matter of minutes. Star Destroyers and TIE Fighters swarmed the skies in the distance and everywhere you looked you could see pilots dashing to their stations. Poe didn’t have much time before he needed to take off himself, but there was something he needed to do first. 

He had to find Finn. He had to tell Finn the truth about how he felt, about what he wanted their relationship to be. He had to tell him because… because he didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t. If he never got the change again. If something happened to him, or worse, if something happened to Finn. 

He wouldn’t be able to bear it, the weight of grief and unspoken words bearing down onto his chest like that, for the rest of his life? No. He had to tell him, he had to tell him now. 

Every time before, he had found an excuse. The time wasn’t right, it was too early, too much, the moment was lost, or it wasn’t right. It needed to be this, it needed to be that, he didn’t want to be wearing his flight suit, none of it mattered. He was wearing his flight suit. Maybe the time wasn’t right. Maybe it was. It didn’t matter.

He could die. He could die in this fight, in the grandest explosion anyone could ever see - because how else would he die? If he were to die in battle, it would be spectacularly - or… he couldn’t. He could live. He could keep living on. And if he said those words, he could find a grander way to live. A life for himself. How about that? Finally in peacetime, finally out of the fight.

It filled his chest with warmth and spurred his running on. He knew Finn was somewhere, somewhere close to the hangar. But where? Every single person that filled his vision incensed him just a little more. Not Finn. Not Finn. Not Finn. Where was he?

He kept running. 

Hadn’t his dad told a story like this? Looking for Poe’s mother before a big battle, wanting to tell her how he felt? Poe thought about his dad. Would he end up like him? The thought felt unfair. His dad had always been happy, his life was good. But now, now Poe’s mom had long since died, and he had left and his father was alone, watching the very thing he had defeated so long ago rise again, with his son in his place.

Poe shook the thoughts from his head as best as he could. Dwelling like this could only hurt him. He couldn’t count on the future, that was exactly why he needed to do this. That was exactly why he had to keep running.

And then he didn’t need to. Because there he was, Finn was right there, deep in discussion with several others, not having noticed Poe yet.

Everything seemed to go quiet. Poe could only focus on Finn, even as people brushed past him in their rush. He could practically hear his own heartbeat. 

This was it. The moment he had waited for. All he needed to do was run up to him, pull him aside, and tell him how he felt. How could he put it into words? The adoration, the admiration, the total and complete enchantment he had felt for him for so long. Poe couldn’t help but smile. There was a start. He just needed to move.

Move. 

All he had to do was move.

Poe couldn’t move. His feet were stuck to the floor. What was he doing? He had to tell Finn how he felt for him. 

But… he did look awfully busy. And what he was doing was probably important. Hell, considering the chaos, it definitely was important. Poe couldn’t distract him from that. He needed to be clear and level headed. It wouldn’t be right for Poe to run up with some show of emotion, pull him away from his work. 

And… what if Poe did die? What now seemed like motivation only felt like another reason to hold back. If he died… it would be cruel to leave Finn with that emotion. With no chance to get closure, no chance to move forward. Those would probably be his last words to him, how could he leave like that? How could he pile his feelings on Finn, without knowing the other’s feelings, and then die? Leave Finn with that for the rest of his life? It wouldn’t be right. It would be the worst thing he could do, right next to dying in the first place.

Poe stepped back. A lump was started to form in his throat. What was he thinking? Wasting precious time when he ought to have already been in the sky. What was the point in chasing Finn down when in the end he would always be too scared to tell him?

He stepped back again, taking one more look, ready to disappear into the crowd. And Finn looked up. Their eyes met. Poe felt like a magnet, with Finn he always felt like a magnet, drawn to him whether he wanted to be or not - but he always wanted to be. He took back his step, then the next, and then he took more, and now they were running towards each other, and this was it, wasn’t it? 

They met in the middle. Poe had a million different ways to say what he wanted to say, and all of them felt like they were bubbling in his chest. 

“Hey there,” was the first thing he said. He had forgotten he had been running just before this; he was out of breath. 

“Hey,” Finn replied, managing a stressed-looking smile. Poe had probably been right, Finn had been busy. But he had also pulled away, he had run to Poe just as much as Poe ran to him. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go up?”

This was it. “Yeah, I just…” Time slowed down. This was it. This was his moment. To say what he needed to say. His doubts and fears dragged him back as much as they could, but he knew what he wanted to say. “I just--

“ _Pilots, to your stations!_ ” A shout came from the overhead and Poe was dropped back into reality. The people around him were more frantic now, this really was it. The last minute, and his moment was lost. 

“You should probably go,” Finn said, having also gotten distracted by the announcement. Poe nodded, dazed by the sinking feeling in his stomach. He was just about to turn to leave when Finn stopped him. “Wait, what did you want to say?”

The words had turned sour and sad in Poe’s mouth now, and he couldn’t bring himself to say them. There wasn’t time. “I just wanted to wish you luck,” he said after a moment, plastering on a smile and clapping him on the shoulder. 

Finn managed a smile of his own and returned the gesture. “You too. I have to go, and you do too. But I’ll see you after all of this, yeah?”

Poe nodded, swallowing down his anger with himself. “I’ll see you after all of this.” He took one step back, then another, and then turned around completely, running the way he had come towards his ship. 

He took one more look back, catching a glimpse of Finn, who had once again joined his group, and he promised himself that after all of this after he had made it out of the fray - and he had to make it out - he would tell him. 

He would tell Finn that he loved him and he would never stop. But until then, he had a fight to win. 


End file.
